Hard Talks Before the Awkward Moments
- “I walked in… onto my son jerking off… How uncomfortable! What should I do?”
- That story raises a question: How do we help teens navigate puberty before those moments catch us off guard?
Two More Narratives, One Shared Lesson
1. Growing Up Silent (Portuguese-Strict Catholic School in the 70s)
- I attended a strict Portuguese-Catholic school in the 70s, where religion was central, but nothing was said about our changing bodies, sex or dating. We would go to hell if we slept with a partner before marriage, and it’s our duty to control our urges. That is what separates us from animals.
- At home, the subject was unspoken. Puberty arrived as a locked door with no key, and any discomfort went unshared.
2. Learning From Openness (High School in Canada)
- When I was fourteen and new to Canada, I had an erection that lasted days, and I remembered what I was taught: humans have self-control. A female friend told me that I should relieve myself behind closed doors.
- After moving to Canada, I attended high school assemblies led by Sue Johanson, an elderly sex education teacher who spoke candidly about sex, partners, protection and prevention of STDs. It was wonderful to have learned from her and to make us feel comfortable being human.
- Her direct, no-nonsense approach made uncomfortable topics feel natural, empowering students with facts and dignity.
Teen Culture Then vs. Now
- 1980s–90s: School dances were common, teen movies pushed boundaries, and conversation around puberty, though awkward, was tolerated.
- Today: Media is more censored, spontaneous social gatherings are fewer, but our bodies still go through the same hormones and changes. The emotional need remains the same, even if the culture has shifted.
Four Steps to Prepare Pre-Teens
- Start Early (Ages 9–11)
- Saying something like: “Your body will begin changing soon—if you feel worried or curious, I’m here.”
- Early dialogue builds a foundation before changes take them by surprise.
- Create a “Knock Pact”
- Everyone knocks before entering private spaces.
- Clear expectations mean no accidental walk-ins—just respect and privacy.
- Name It Openly
- Use proper words like breasts, penis, periods, so kids learn to talk about their bodies with confidence.
- It removes embarrassment and normalizes what’s happening inside.
- Normalize Private Exploration
- It’s healthy for teens to “step aside” and check in with themselves.
- Teaching that it’s safe and private avoids runaway awkwardness.
Narrative Three: The Peer Silence
A counselor once shared: “I asked a group of twelve-year-olds how they learned about puberty. Most shrugged—’from friends, maybe,’ they said—but nobody could name someone they were comfortable asking face-to-face.”
- In one hallway whisper session, a student spent more energy around the topic than actually learning about it.
- This third path shows that even among friends, confusion can silence conversation.
An Invitation to Reflect
No single playbook fits every family. But the greatest gift we can give our kids is confidence in their bodies and the freedom to talk about them.
The friend’s experience—walking in on his son—is a wake-up call, not a judgment.
My own shift from silence to open dialogue shows how much difference a single conversation can make.
